Lost...Toothbrush

Sometimes, the only thing standing between man and a Darwinian death is medicine. Case-in-point, the construction worker that itched his scalp with a nail gun. Pass the Excedrin.

In the southwest, some states’ legislators think that mandatory helmet laws infringe on motorcyclists’ freedom. I think it is a government conspiracy to provide hospitals with more organ donors.

The creators of the ‘This is your brain on drugs’ ad should come up with a new public service announcement. Take an egg; throw it on pavement with the voiceover: Attention bikers, this is you brain on asphalt. Any questions?!

Of course, the patients that provide the most hospital mirth are those with foreign bodies. No, not the French, but those who swallow and plumb the depths with non-food items. Prisoners are infamous for swallowing razor blades and eating utensils to buy themselves a week in the hospital spa. The chronically constipated and anally erotic furnish ER docs with vast collections of pop bottles, vibrators, toothbrushes, light bulbs, rodents, etc.

So, to those of you who feel that man is the apotheosis of evolution, I have evidence to the contrary. Want to see my toothbrush collection?

~ Medagogue